OK, so those of you actively keeping up with events in my family's life know that right now life is kind of crummy and complicated and has been for a couple of months. Awkward family issues, hospitalizations, long-term health problems that aren't deadly but really get you down when you haven't felt WELL for several months. Friend troubles. Sleep paralysis. It's been a fairly regular occurrence for a while now and normally it doesn't bother me much, but last time around I was lucky enough to have hallucinations too. This is not a treatable condition, I just deal with it. I had to drop out of a tournament I really was looking forward to. A conversation that ought to have happened face-to-face had to be done over email because there was no other way, and it wasn't good.
So today is a really gloomy rainy day and I haven't seen the sun or the sky at all. I'm behind in schoolwork and you could say my life sucks.
But I was just sitting there thinking, Why am I not sad? There's a spring of joy within me that defies my circumstances. Nightmares don't bother me after a couple hours awake because I'm grounded. There's a stability at the core of me. Yes I need to gain back the weight I've lost over the past few months. Yes I'm realizing someone I counted a close friend was never that close at all. Yes I feel I can't tell my mom about some things I probably ought to because she has too much on her plate right now. But there's still a spring in my step because there's a light in my soul that can't be dimmed by the things that come my way. I have a lot of friends to be a wonderful support group, and even if I lose some of them too it'll be okay. Because what binds us together is not something as temporary as interest in each other's company. We share one Savior who lights up all of us and keeps us strong, and happy when it seems like we ought to be sad. I'm too grateful to be sad.
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