What is it that makes me different?

I feel different.  Sometimes I act like the other girls around me.  I laugh at most of the same jokes, I enjoy a lot of the same activities (except volleyball).  I like being friends with them.  We talk about all sorts of stuff.  We get along.  But even sometimes when I'm laughing at something they just said, I feel this otherness.  There's a world I'm part of that they aren't in.  Maybe the world is just in my head.  I look at them and I know I'm with them, but there's also all the Something Else behind me, beyond me, where I am and they aren't.  What is it, that makes me a young lady rather than some teenage chick?  Why do they like the guys that I'll admit are cute, yet still feel no real attraction towards?  I find myself more interested in industrious guys, the hard workers, who love what they do.  There is a little mystery to them- what makes you so diligent?  Then maybe there is that  knowledge that when I get married, I'll do better by the side of someone who can support me than someone who looks pretty.  It's the difference between the teenager, a fairly recent invention, and what they used to be.  Young people.  Somehow I have the long view.  I don't know why I have it and others don't.  If my parents had carefully raised me that way, then my siblings would have it too.  I can't speak for my brothers, but my sister is a fairly typical teenager.  Maybe her preferences aren't quite "mainstream", but the way she thinks is pretty normal.  For a teenager.  Yes, sometimes I get little crushes on guys.  But it tends to be with the thought that in a few years I won't be 15 anymore.  I'll be an adult.  And some man somewhere, he's going to be my husband one day.  A fling might be fun, but in ten years how would I be able to talk to my husband about it?  Better, I know, to not risk it.  I'd rather have a life of love than a few weeks with a hottie.  And there's no experience I can point to that planted this long view in me.  It just happened.  I pick my companions based on who I want to say I spent years of my life with.  I think often of the past and look to the future.  When I was faced with a choice like this, how did it work out for me?  What consequences might this have down the road?  It's what your average teen rarely does.  Looks to the heroes of the past and the consequences of the future.  I ask myself all the time.  Who do I want to be when I'm 30?  What do I want to be able to say I've done with my life by 50?  I have to get the perfect outfit for this event?- No thanks.  How is what I'm doing today forming who I'm going to be, that's the big question.  OK, maybe I'm not perfect.  Right now I'm supposed to be writing a book report.  But I am thinking about it.  I'm OK with being the kind of woman who sits in her house in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, writing some meaningful message on my blog.  Not everyone will agree that blogging in my pajamas is more important than schoolwork, but that's the choice I make.  I don't need to be free, screaming, "It's my life and you can't tell me what to do with it!"  I need to be good.  And the years when I'm a young person, between 13 and 19, are when I learn to see for myself what is right and what is wrong.  I'm not "choosing my own path" in the world.  I'm growing, to the point of maturity where I no longer need my parents to tell me which choice is right and which is wrong.  I'm coming to some situations where there might be more than one right thing to do.  Blogging is not wrong.  Schoolwork is not wrong.  Which is better, though?  Which will form me into the woman I'm soon to be?  Over the course of years I'd rather have a college degree than a long list of blog posts.  But in this one instance, today, I choose my blog.  No one will remember the excessively thorough book report I wrote on Great Expectations.  But someone might remember this.  They might say it changed their life.  I gain experience by having more responsibility.  I make my choices considering the long view.  Who says being a teenager is such a great thing?  The number assigned to my age ends in "-teen".  This is when I grow up.  This is where I become a young woman.

I need to make this declaration.

Reg10nals 2014

 The last regional tournament of the year was a time of fun and encouragement for everyone.  I felt strangely idle, doing only two speeches, but in a sense it was nice to finally be done.
We had beautiful weather the entire time (except one sudden onslaught of rain that drenched us all instantly and lasted about five minutes- but that's another story).  It all made for some great pictures!

Gabbie being Gabbie

Emma, Naomi, Hayley

Sam and Naomi watching Humorous

Abby in HI

Some beautiful trees!

Braidon looking almost tough

Nate... and Spiderman

Grace :)

Blossoms

Little Elias fell asleep on Chase's lap :)

Random still life

CANDY

Blue sky through white flowers

Joel... being Joel...

I am SO grateful for the opportunity to compete this year, to grow and learn among awesome people and Christian friends.  See some of you in Virginia when I go to observe Nationals...  See the rest of you next season!