Things I Learned This Year

• Too-tight pajama pants give me a stomachache every morning and cause me to lose weight due to reduced appetite, but once I switch to properly fitting pajama pants I'm fine.
• If you've been coughing for five weeks and you suddenly find yourself constantly dizzy but never fainting, it's almost definitely a sinus infection.
• Sometimes it's really important to NOT keep secrets.
• My worth is not defined by how much people value me, but by what I am willing to do for them. If they don't appreciate how much I care about them, that's their choice and their problem. I am still a kind friend if I'm WILLING to keep all their secrets and take care of them.
• Dancing like a weirdo in front of a bunch of people you don't know very well is actually like the best thing ever.
• And no one cares what you look like as long as you're clearly having a good time.
• If you often have allergies, take that 24-hour allergy medicine. Just TAKE IT. You'll regret not doing it in the afternoon when your eyes are bloodshot and itchy.
• Patched jeans make a great conversation piece.
• Random people are willing to help you.
• Listen to what strangers have to say. They may not know you, but their words may change your life.
• A building's eighteenth story is very high up.
• Wearing jeans to bed on the night of a baby's due date isn't worth it. You'll have time to get changed, especially if she waits a week and a half to get born.
• I can get and keep a debate partner!
• That thing about guys not wearing hats during prayer is actually from the Bible. It's not just random. (1 Corinthians 11:4)
• "Peruse" means to read thoroughly, not to glance over quickly. Read thoroughly. Read thoroughly. Peruse means to read thoroughly. Peruse. Read thoroughly. .... It still sounds wrong.
• Sometimes people who matter a lot to you stop being part of your life. And it's okay to miss them. You've just got to hold on to the good influence they were, which can last for the rest of your life even if the relationship doesn't.
• If just one family out of every three churches in America adopted a child out of foster care, there would be no orphans in this country. Let's get our act together. (James 1:27)
• Don't try to jump up a brick retaining wall while wearing boots for the first time all season and holding a rake. You'll probably end up with scars on multiple parts of your body.
• You can find great stuff in hand-me-down consignment store clothes 👍
• Small children give odd compliments.
• People will get excessively dogmatic about the right way to celebrate holidays that aren't even instituted in Scriptures. At a certain point you just need to block out all their rules about the tenses of carols and when you can set out what parts of your manger scene and just celebrate in the way that brings YOU closer to Christ, honors Him faithfully, helps you focus on people you love and positive ideals, and makes you happy. Jesus doesn't mind if you spend all month telling people you hope they enjoy His birthday. It's okay.
• I apparently have the capacity to compose a song with original lyrics and a tune and stuff. It's too bad I can't play any instruments or write music... because I can hear in my head what the accompaniment should sound like too.
• Maybe a lot of people notice something that is ailing you personally. Maybe some of them complain about how it inconveniences them (not because they're troubling themselves to help you, just because the symptoms of your suffering are annoying to them) and maybe no one bothers to ask if you're okay. The fact that you're getting through it all alone means you are a very strong individual. Props to you. You'll make it.
• Filling out a checkbook register isn't that hard once you're told how to do it, you just have to pay attention to the math.
• Senseless people's opinions of you are entirely irrelevant.  Some people's opinions do matter, but if they're crazy strangers, what they say about you does not reflect one bit on who you really are. 
• Probably a lot of other things I can't remember now... but hopefully the influence of those lessons stays with me, even if I can't put words to why my actions have changed. Happy New Year!

Hi Blueberry :-)

Yesterday I met you, Felicity Jayne, at age 3½ hours old.

There were eight people there to meet you- your mom's mom, dad, step dad, and brother, me and my sister and mom (your paternal grandma), and your dad's best friend who took time off work to meet you as soon as you were born.  So we all had to take shortish turns holding you.
You have so much hair, it's unreal.

My dad (Grandpa) didn't get to meet you the day you were born.  He only saw a picture.  So we went back to the hospital for him to hold you.

Then Aunt Emma and I got more turns holding you for a long time.  We got to see your neat blue/brown eyes and your big yawn that's contagious to just think about.

Lots of snuggles will be had in the future.  I promise it was the doctor (or nurse, not sure what position she holds) who said we shouldn't pass you around too much during flu season.  We're supposed to mostly limit the people holding you to family, and not even at big family gatherings.  Fewer people holding you = more time with me, right?  ;)

Basically, I love you.  Sleep tight tonight.  Your mom was so amazed that you basically slept through your whole first night outside the womb.  You went semi-conscious to nurse every two hours, then went right back to fast asleep as soon as you were put down.  I know she shouldn't count on that lasting, but we can wish, can't we?

Dear Blueberry,

Oh. My gosh.  I get to meet you in, let's see- four days, give or take.  You are head down and in position in your mom's belly, just waiting to get out.  Trust me, she is ready for you to start hiccuping OUTSIDE her body.

(This is you, btw, not some random kid.)

I remember when we first knew you were coming.  There was a big rush to get your parents married.  It was for you, you know.  They wanted to marry each other and had planned to for a long time, but finding out that you were on the way was the final push, because you need to know that they care about being a family.

I was the first to open up the ultrasound pictures Alex (Dad) left us.  I fell in love with you right away.  I'd been ready for a long time!  It was a joy to finally call LeeAnn my sister-in-law, and I was happy beyond words to be an aunt at last.  I call the little kids at church my kidlets.  When Nathaniel was born in November I squealed about being an auntie, because our families are very close.  But you, you are definitely mine.  My kidlet.  No one else can claim you because you're MY nibling.

So, of course, I've paid way closer attention to your growth than to any of the other 7 pregnancies in our church since the start of 2014.  The waiting has almost made it seem less real.  You've been that bump growing on LeeAnn's front for so long, it's hard to believe that by next week you will be a baby in my arms- your own arms, your fingers and toes, a tiny nose and little eyes and probably a lot of hair, all there to be seen.  You'll have a name, dear Blueberry.  I am so ready to meet you!!

Seriously, though.  I thought by now my mom would be over the timing that wasn't your fault.  You're due to be born this weekend and still she underhandedly whines.  ("It was so funny it made me forget I was going to be a grandmother for a few minutes.")  Well, I, your Auntie Johanna (Aunt Jo?) will teach you how to handle people who can't love you the way they ought.  No need to attack them- just pour your love to people who will be able to accept it.  I'll love on you, kiddo.  I've got enough joy to fill in for what the grandparents are neglecting.  You're a part of my family!  I can't forget that I'm a daughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter- or an aunt.  A new hat for a new relative to love.

See you soon!

♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥❤♥

Deerwander 2015

"We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves"

 There it was before me... my last year as a Deerwander camper.

I know it's cliche but I can't begin to describe what seven summers at this camp have meant to me.  I started off as a scrawny 11-year-old with an awkward face and no clue what to do with myself away from my parents.  Over the years I met lots of people from a variety of backgrounds, united in Christ.  Some were fun friends for a week.  Others stayed in touch for a year or two before fading away.  Some friendships were lost for me to learn a lesson.  But a few precious friends have stuck by me unwaveringly and constantly supported me.

 
It was a little rough to be the only senior girl who had been there for freshman year.  Partly because I wanted to reminisce, but also because the girls who have come all three years since (Praise, Maddi, Addie) are so special.  One I talk to all the time.  The other two, don't think I value you less because we can get by with chatting less than four times a week.  Knowing you'll be in my cabin each year has been something to look forward to eagerly.  I wish I could have shared four years (or even seven) with you.  Alisa was a second-year senior.  She's the bomb.  You will never know how much she made us laugh with her stories of the crazy things that happened to her in Ukraine.  Megan, I was so glad to have you with us just this year, and I'm proud of the way you were ready and willing to jump into a group of old friends.  We wanted to be friends with you, and you were able to open up to us even though you were the "new girl".

We have one of the best groups of seniors boys...  As we perceive them they're all like brothers, even though they too have come for different years of camp.  You guys put wonderful effort into making the senior year really special for all of us, from the candle "left burning for us" to those banquet escort proposals.  (Alisa got flowers, Praise got a song, I get years of laughter over the awkwardness of mine- I think we all know who the real winner here is.  Thank you, John and Keegan. *still laughing*)  Thank you all for laughing at our teasing serenades.  Thank you for crying at our sentimental songs; it told me you cared too.  Thank you for shutting up and dancing with us.  Thank you for that devotional.  Thank you for being our brothers and friends.  And thank you for the flowers :)

I'm going to miss being a camper.  I'll come back as staff every year I can, and I hope to see you there, but I know it won't ever be the same because nothing can top the amazing week you gave me as a sweet goodbye.

"Goodnight
And joy be with you all."

Regionals 2015

My second NCFCA Regional Invitational (to be competing at) was a blessed week.  We set off on the afternoon of the last Sunday in April to drive down to New Jersey.  After Dad's issues with seizures and needing rides to and from work, he was able to stay in New London with my brother and sister-in-law.

Three Florezes were competing at Regionals- me in Impromptu and Persuasive speaking, Emma in Apologetics, and Sam in debate, Impromptu, Apologetics, Open Interpretation, Extemporaneous, and I feel like there was something else I can't remember...

Photographic highlights of the tournament-

A little friend :)

Lovely sister <3

Cherry blossoms

Me wearing the first flower crown I ever made, Emma wearing the second I ever made.

Then I made a big long dandelion chain!

Complete relaxation

Okay, maybe not quite complete, her brother passed out in my lap.

Finished off the week with a sundae THE SIZE OF MY ENTIRE FACE.  No I couldn't eat it all.  The menu should really warn you when a $5 sundae is a meal for two people...

"The joy of the LORD is your strength."

OK, so those of you actively keeping up with events in my family's life know that right now life is kind of crummy and complicated and has been for a couple of months.  Awkward family issues, hospitalizations, long-term health problems that aren't deadly but really get you down when you haven't felt WELL for several months.  Friend troubles.  Sleep paralysis.  It's been a fairly regular occurrence for a while now and normally it doesn't bother me much, but last time around I was lucky enough to have hallucinations too.  This is not a treatable condition, I just deal with it.  I had to drop out of a tournament I really was looking forward to.  A conversation that ought to have happened face-to-face had to be done over email because there was no other way, and it wasn't good.

So today is a really gloomy rainy day and I haven't seen the sun or the sky at all.  I'm behind in schoolwork and you could say my life sucks.

But I was just sitting there thinking, Why am I not sad?  There's a spring of joy within me that defies my circumstances.  Nightmares don't bother me after a couple hours awake because I'm grounded.  There's a stability at the core of me.  Yes I need to gain back the weight I've lost over the past few months.  Yes I'm realizing someone I counted a close friend was never that close at all.  Yes I feel I can't tell my mom about some things I probably ought to because she has too much on her plate right now.  But there's still a spring in my step because there's a light in my soul that can't be dimmed by the things that come my way.  I have a lot of friends to be a wonderful support group, and even if I lose some of them too it'll be okay.  Because what binds us together is not something as temporary as interest in each other's company.  We share one Savior who lights up all of us and keeps us strong, and happy when it seems like we ought to be sad.  I'm too grateful to be sad.

Massachusetts National Open 2015

God finds a way to bless us outside of typical "success".  At the Mass Open, I didn't break to semifinals in a single speech (out of three I was doing) and I did not win a single one of my debate rounds.  But I had a terrific time.  Debate rounds didn't need to involve jokes to be fun.  I found ways to be a blessing in my Apologetics speeches.  And my friends were blessings to me.

 

Light before we left

Arriving at Gordon (early for Sam's campus tour- he's been accepted there!)

Emma <3

 I got to see Praise!! :)

 The chapel at Gordon College

 President Lindsey speaking to us before the Awards Ceremony

Unlonely

Have you ever been aggressively unlonely?  In the past few weeks I've been keeping up conversations with my five bestest friends.  Emails with two, Google chat with one, letters with two.  If I had one more person to talk to it would be overwhelming to try to respond to everyone.  But as it is I have no excuse to feel isolated or unwanted, as if such a feeling were even possible with this amount of communication with people who like me and care about me.
I don't know what the opposite of lonely is, but I'm feeling it.

Granite State Qualifier 2015

The second tournament of my third year in NCFCA was a blast!  It was my first time doing debate and also my first time breaking to semifinals in a prepared speech (Persuasive).  A few highlights...

 

Loaded up in the van with tons of stuff.

 Emma <3

I have weird friends.

Having a good time :)

My sweet friend Cathy

Semis!  My speech advocates more use of cursive.

A group of debaters with a 3-year-old in their midst

There was a little bit of snow on the ground.